The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
