i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
