yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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