i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
