I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
