They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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