I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
