I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
