Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
