I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
babies were throwing up all over the place
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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