Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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