The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize