It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
