It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
