i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
