Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
