This dress was meant to end up on your floor
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
