He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
