Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize