Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
