It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
FUCK WHALES
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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