would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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