but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We need a shit load of segways right now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize