Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
