Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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