Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
