I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
