I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
