At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
