Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
