apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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