hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
