Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
this is an emotional support booty call
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
