Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
