I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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