if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
