just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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