she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
