Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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