I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
