someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i've created a new STD.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
