Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
