the condom got lost in my hair
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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