I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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