Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
