i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
