so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
