Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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