so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
