Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
