So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
