so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize