I'm lost and stupid without you.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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