I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
