I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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