i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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