You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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