you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize