just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
