saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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