Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
