I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
