Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
