a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
