I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So squirting runs in the family.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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