i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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