Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
