Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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