It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
