awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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