Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
