Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
